Fear of Opening the Blinds

If you are a mom, you can probably relate with those days that you feel hesitant to open the blinds on the window in fear of someone walking by and seeing your messy house. I have had many of those days recently, especially when I was in my 1st trimester of being pregnant and feeling sick and tired. I remember one day in particular that as I looked around my place I prayed that no one would drop by for a surprise visit. I still had yet to get the dinner dishes done from the night before, there was a sleeve of saltine crackers that Owen had dumped on the floor and large stacks of I-don't-know-where-to-put-it stuff on the counter. Yikes! It was bad!

I find myself often feeling discouraged with the everyday mess that comes with mothering a little one. I fight the feeling of just wanting to give up and stop cleaning. When I find myself in the state of discouragement about keeping my house in order I have to catch myself from thinking I am a failure and that I am the only mom who can't seem to keep her house clean.

Many days Owen and I walk around our apartment complex and we walk by this apartment that is always so spotless and clean. I began to compare my home to this one and dream of having a place so clean. After months of walking by and having these thoughts I finally saw the person who lives in this apartment. As I peered through the window of this clean home I saw an old retired man sitting all by himself reading a book by the window. To think I was comparing myself to this man the whole time. It made my heart so sad to think that one day that could be me. By seeing this, God reminded me that I have so much to be thankful for. The "messy" house I am living in is a sign of life, activity and so many blessings. I am so thankful for those fingerprints on the window, oatmeal plastered to the floor and toys spread across the floor because it reminds me of the blessing of my son!  One day when my kids are grown and out of the house I will probably miss these days of having a little one around the house.

I need to remember that God gives me grace when I am feeling defeated and discouraged. He will give me the strength to get the things accomplished I need to for that day. I also need to remember that the most importantly thing of motherhood is NOT to have a clean home, but to share Jesus' love with my son.